Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike couldn't help himself
Mon Sep 19, 2005 at 12:07:49 am EDT
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The Morning News, Late Edition Make sure you read Visionary's story first!
Originally
The Morning News . . . [Includes spoilers for the latest Adventures in Parodyverse]
In Reply To

Visionary, with a short bit of continuity advancement
Sun Sep 18, 2005 at 04:12:36 pm EDT
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“The Morning News: Late Edition


Dominic Clancy was a third of the way through his latest effort at improving himself: reading Dr. Philapedes Grissom’s landmark autobiography Zen and the Art of Forensic Accounting when he was impeded by the arrival of CrazySugarFreakBoy!. The Wired Wonder entered the library with his usual slapdash exuberance, which he tried to ignore. Unfortunately for Mr. Epitome, he seemed to be the focus of CSFB!’s quest.

Dream got right to the point, “What’s this about you sleeping with Hallie?”

“I- that’s none of your concern, is it?”

“She’s my friend. I care about her,” CSFB! pointed out as he straddled the chair opposite Dominic, who went back to reading his book.

“And your way of showing it is to pry in her personal affairs. Some friend.”

“I just don’t want to see her hurt. You may have lost fifteen years of your life, but you are still, pardon my French, a serious dickbag who is capable of all kinds of twisted mind games. Who knows what you’re up to, with your lies and your tapeworms and your magnets.”

“Tapeworms and magnets? For someone so obsessed with sexual intercourse, you don’t seem to have much knowledge on the workings of the act itself,” Dominic noted mildly.

“I’m sure it did seem like work for her. How unlucky is she to have you as her first. Was Flapjack too busy?”

Epitome finally looked up, “Flapjack?” he shook his head, “Goodbye, Foxglove. Find some other way to satisfy your morbid curiosity. Perhaps somewhere there’s a car crash you could gawk at.”

CSFB! stood and hitched up his silly suit, “Yeah, well, I still gonna get to the bottom of this, for her sake. The poor kid needs to know that sex doesn’t have to be analogous to the Bataan Death March.”

Dominic watched CrazySugarFreakBoy! depart. He then nonchalantly closed his book and, tucking it under his arm, walked briskly in search of the most isolated computer terminal available.

Upon finding one he began pushing the email button in earnest. After several repeated pressings Hallie finally materialized.

“What is the- oh. Hello, Mr. Epitome. Computer trouble?” she asked hopefully.

There was a pained look upon the big man’s face, “I just had a… strange conversation with CrazySugarFreakBoy! He questioned me about the two of us having sex. Yourself and me. Not me and him,” he quickly addended

Hallie’s eyes narrowed, “That nosy little- like its any of his business!!”

“Is it any of my business?!” Epitome nearly yelped in protest.

“Well, sure, if it really-ahem, that is to say,” Hallie took off her hard-light glasses and busied herself with the unnecessary act of polishing them, “Yes,” she admitted softly.

“Yes, we had sex?” the Paragon of Power checked.

“Yes,” Hallie repeated.

Dominic seemed confused, “How is that, I mean, you can, you do-ah-“

“You better spit it out, because now will be the only time I’m going to talk about this,” the green skinned woman warned.

“I’m sorry, it’s just….was there, ah, typing involved?”

“Typing?!” Hallie struck an angry pose, “Just how stupid have you become? This wasn’t some cybersex encounter with you having one hand on the keyboard and the other-“Hallie couldn’t get the rest out, thankfully for Epitome, “No. It happened last winter, while I was organic,” she eyed Dominic accusingly, “You did read the files about me being organic, right? The Hellraisers? The Sepulcher of Destiny?”

Dominic became defensive, “I read them. They didn’t mention anything about the two of us having sex, though.”

“Well, of course they didn’t. Most of our files don’t go into members’, ah, intimate encounters. Just the ones flagged with the ‘Adult Content’ heading. Though there do seem to be a lot more of them popping up lately….”

Epitome rubbed the back of his neck, “So, it didn’t work out, did it?” he asked.

“What? Why would you think that?”

“Because of all the secrecy. I assume there’s a reason you chose not to tell me. It was a mistake, or a moment of weakness, or something happened that soured the relationship. If there was a relationship. I don’t know,” he sighed, “This is a very confusing conversation.”

Hallie’s stern features softened, “We had a lot of confusing conversations. Things were complicated. But that seems to be the routine for Lair Legion romances. However, it wasn’t a mistake, or a moment of weakness. It was a sweet and important thing to me… and I think for you as well.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

The hologram eyed him expectantly, “Any other questions?”

“Just one, but I’m not sure… did you sleep with Flapjack too?”

Hallie’s mouth dropped, “Are you kidding? Flapjack?! What would make you think I would ever sleep with that twisted swaybacked-?!”

“It was something CSFB! said in passing,” Dominic said quickly, “He might have been joking….”

“Joking. Right,” Hallie set her jaw, “Excuse me, Dominic, I have some… correspondence to make.”

“OK then,” Dominic made a slightly self-conscious wave as she blinked out. He headed back to the library, noting with some satisfaction that his older self, by being intimate with the intelligent, pretty green-skinned artificial intelligence who had been turned temporarily ‘human,’ had proved himself to be remarkably cosmopolitan, and certainly in possession of good taste.






















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